Last Fall, Brody and his suite of comparably marvelous engineers bought 414 gold-colored vibrating dildos on Amazon, each one costing them something like 23 cents. They sold these for $3 apiece and easily made a profit, even with the stockpile of dildos left behind. Not wanting a common room filled with dildos, Brody, who is somewhat Jewish and quite cheap, gave one of these whirring pleasure plugs to each of our friends back in Atlanta. One of the recipients was my good friend Gary, who, earlier left the following message on Brody's computer:

[12:46] Gary 3.0: you bastard
[12:46] Gary 3.0: my mom mailed me your vibrator
[12:46] Gary 3.0: I stuck it in a bag of stuff that my girlfriend had sent me for christmas
[12:46] Gary 3.0: lots of candy mostly
[12:46] Gary 3.0: and she asked if she could have some
[12:46] Gary 3.0: and I said sure
[12:47] Gary 3.0: and then she said she was going to mail it to me...because there were certain "important items" in there
[12:47] Gary 3.0: and your little friend was one of them
[12:47] Gary 3.0: you bastard

I'm told that Gary tried to explain it to his mother, but he's not sure she believes him. I'm not sure I believe him.

Well, Gary, it beats sitting on your thumbs.

-Alan